The Epitome of Random, Vol 1

–My co-worker Raymond dropped an empty pallet onto the floor the other day. It made a very loud BOOM which startled those of us nearby. But I was the only one with the audacity to respond, “You scared me, Ray. I’d have to change my boxers if I were wearin’ any.”

–My oldest daughter loves the bands R5 and One Direction. As a result I’ve been subject to their videos on a near non-stop basis. But I must admit, if One Direction had a lisp, I’d be watching their video for “Best Song Ever” all the time.

–At my physicals my doctor always greets me with, “Hey, Jason, here for a tune up, I see.” And he always ends it with, “Good for another 10,000 miles.” Now that I’m over 40 that goodbye is a little frightening. 3.5″ index finger, let’s see, that’d be 181,028,571 prostate exams to hit 10,000 miles. YIKES!

–If Kickstarter were around in the mid-90s, I would’ve donated a pretty penny for a second season or feature length film of Space: Above and Beyond just to get some closure.

–Just got a picture of my brother with his dog. If he let’s me post it you’ll see why I’m sending it to the AP with the caption, “Much like homo sapiens, yeti have learned to domesticate dogs, too.” Get a haircut, big fella!

The Emperor’s New Groove being updated with the Kardashians providing the voices. The Emperor’s New Boobs coming out 2016.

–I’m buying a Tyrion Lannister costume for Halloween. I’ve already got the knee-pads to get around with at work.

–I’d like to open my own bakery specializing in gourmet soft pretzels. I will call it Pretzel Rod’s. Mascot will be a big pretzel with a cape, beating the crap out of Ronald McDonald.


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