The Epitome of Random – Vol 2

-Three things I learned from my latest physical: 1) I’m two pounds closer to losing the 26-pound weight loss goal I set at my last physical in 2012. At this rate, I’ll attain my ideal weight by the time I retire. 2) Not only will exercise and a better diet help with the aforementioned goal, it will also help get that cholesterol back down. And I had been doing so well. 3) Now that I’m over 40 and on the receiving end of a complete physical, I realize I made the right decision to be heterosexual.

-My 1-year-old is adorable. When we take off an outfit to put on her pajamas or another outfit she says, “I want to be naked.” Yup, she’s my kid, all right!

-The following is a passage from the book Amelia Bedelia,

Mrs. Rogers was angry. She was very angry. She opened her mouth. Mrs. Rogers meant to tell Amelia Bedelia she was fired. But before she could get the words out, Mr. Rogers put something in her mouth. It was so good Mrs. Rogers forgot about being angry.

THIS IS A KID’S BOOK, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!

-I want to buy Pacqui’s Tortilla Chips: Haunted Ghost Pepper flavor. Next time the kids mouth-off to one of us, I’ll grab a few and say, “Here, sweetie. Have some Doritos!” Yeah, that’ll take some heat off of Adrian Peterson.

-When I worked for Twin County Cable 4, the local cable company’s television studio, I earned a bit of a reputation with my co-workers. I found this strange as I was just a high school kid and they were grown adults. I was blamed for the implementation of the sexual harassment policy all for saying perfectly innocent things. Like when Kelly was standing about 10 feet away during the taping of our telethon – I motioned for her and when she arrived I said, “Made you come with one finger.” Or the time Jill said, “I like your pants.” I looked at her spandex and said, “Thanks, I like yours, too.” And I’ll always remember how Cindy would say, “Oh, Jason. Twenty years from now I’ll be telling the reporters, ‘He was such a quiet boy.'”

-And last, but not least, a report from the Be-Careful-What-You-Wish-For Department: My wife had been encouraging me to start a blog for months. Little did she know this would be the result!

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