The Epitome of Random – Vol 3

-Except for Washington I find nothing offensive in the name Washington Redskins. I refuse to acknowledge the demands for the name change. In fact, I believe that the name Redskins is totally appropriate for this team – the skin on their backsides is especially red thanks to being spanked all season long.

-A few years back I had some problems with kidney stones. The doctors recommended I try to catch one to take to the lab for chemical composition analysis. When I handed it over to the nurse on duty at the lab she responded, “You passed this? Bless your heart.” It measured 9mm – much like some ammunition. Hence a friend giving me the nickname Pistol Dick. (Thanks, Rif.)

-My co-worker Rob frequently unties the back of my smock at work. I usually just respond, “What, doing it with your eyes ain’t good enough for you anymore?”

-Rob also talked about how cute one of the girls at work was, I said, “Yeah, she’s easy on the eyes and hard on,” I looked down at Rob’s apron. “Oh, you already know.”

-I hear there’s a Journey cover band from Japan playing all the funerals in the area. Everyone loves their rendition of Don’t Stop Bereavin’

Even the hairs of your head have all been counted. (Luke 12:7) See, even God gets tired of counting. Hence, the cause of baldness.

-The Top 5 Kinkiest Things Ever Said By Cartoon Characters:

5.) Bugs Bunny: “What’s up, Doc?”

4.) Popeye: “Blow me down.”

3.) Fred Flintstone: “Barney, my pebbles.”

2.) Bam-bam Rubble: “BAM-BAM! BAM-BAM!”

1.) Boris & Natasha: “Moose and squirrel!”


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