Epitome of Random – Vol 4

-As a manager it is my duty to point out the blatantly obvious. However, the manufacturer of some of our bread out did even me. At the top of the nutritional information section it reads, “Serving size: 1/6 of a loaf; Servings per container: about 6” Well, thanks for helping me figure that one out without the use of my abacus – it’s just so hard to lug that thing around to the store to attempt such advanced mathematical functions.

-We also sell some product in our pet section called Dogswell. What the heck is that, viagra for canines?

-There’s Ebola running rampant in western Africa, jihadists causing chaos in Iraq and Syria, poverty and disease and hunger throughout many parts of the world, but that’s okay. BECAUSE WE SELL PUMPKIN BLING! That’s right, you can decorate your jack-o-lantern with rhinestone stickers this Halloween. Oh, yeah, where would civilization be without pumpkin bling?

-I’ve mentioned I’m a Game of Thrones fan. So are my employee Lauren and her boyfriend Jacob. They were planning to both dress in GoT costumes for Halloween, but the Khaleesi dress was too long for her, not to mention 70 bucks. So, they decided to do the skeleton thing. Jacob’s skeleton comes with an internal air pump to inflate the attached erection. It’s the jump-my-bones skeleton. Given the amount of sex and death in the series, I guess, in a round-about sort of way, he did get a GoT costume. Actually, that wasn’t his first choice in costume. Jacob wanted a traditional skeleton outfit, but they made a boner at the warehouse and shipped him this instead.

-I discourage the use of recreational drugs. They’re bad news. But if you feel the need to do something totally trippy, try taking both Exlax and Immodium – man, that’ll mess you up!

-And lastly, I don’t understand the big deal about Michael Sam. How is his coming out as the first openly gay football player so courageous? So many people in every walk of life are gay these days, it’s just not a big deal – even in sports. You want to see courage in athletics? I’m waiting for the first openly straight male figure skater.


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