The departmentalized list of random…
From the “I Don’t Understand” Department
– Nike has dropped four athletes from their endorsement contracts this year alone: some UFC fighter, Ray Rice, Adrian Peterson and Oscar Pistorius. I don’t understand the whole thing about Pistorius. I mean, Nike sells shoes and the guy doesn’t even have feet. What gives?
– I should try to lose weight and get back into shape, but I haven’t really changed diet or started exercising. Yet my pants keep falling down at work. And it’s not intentional this time, I don’t get it!
From the Redundancy Department
– We sell a product called “Authentic French Swirl Chocolate Brioche”. That’s what it’s called because it says so on the label. Less than one inch from the product name is a circle with the words “With Chocolate.” Gee, thanks for helping me figure that one out.
– We sell another bread from the same company, “Authentic French Sliced Brioche”. That one has a circle which reads “Sliced”. How stupid do you thing I am? (That’s a rhetorical question, please don’t answer in the comments.)
From the “What’s the Corporate Office Thinking” Department
– When we enter in the PLU on the machine to print out stickers for our products the titles are truncated on the screen. Here are some of our most popular truncated titles: Pumpkin Donut Ho, Golden Potato Ho, Butterscotch Blo, Old Fashioned Butt, Rustic Crusty Pu.
From the “I Can’t Believe They Printed That In a Kids’ Book” Department
– We own a Little Critter early reader book entitled I Was So Sick. (Hmmm, could be the title to my autobiography, but that’s a different story.) In it Little Critter goes to the doctor. There he meets a “pretty nurse.” The anthropomorphic character playing the nurse is a fox. Pretty nurse, a fox – what exactly are they trying to say?
– We have another early reader book, a Clifford book. It’s entitled The Happy Dogs. It beings thus: “This is Clifford. He is big. He plays with Cleo and T-bone, who are small. It is okay with Clifford that they are small.” Later on, when trying to find something to do together… “Cleo fits in the box. T-bone fits in the box. Clifford is too big. The box is no good for him.” WHO WRITES THIS SMUT?