Career Option Number Two

A little while back my store held an “all-hands” meeting to rally the troops and spell out our identity as a company. During the meeting the employees were asked to name some of their coworkers as those who made work enjoyable, which they called “Moment Makers.” I was named as one. As a result, I received a 1/8″ sticker to add to my name badge, and nothing else. However, it lead to some thinking about possible career options. I came to the conclusion I could be a wonderful motivational speaker.

With any form of public speaking, and even more so in motivational speaking, you need a great lead to draw your audience in. I’ve been working on a few and would like to share them now…

“From the day you are born you begin the long, slow process of inevitable death. Regardless of your station in life, your gender, your nationality, your political viewpoints – in the end all your hopes, dreams and desires will lead to just one ultimate destiny – worm food.”

Now that I’ve got their attention, I can take them all sorts of places.

The second entry focuses on sports, which are very popular in America and throughout the world as well. ..

“Outside of soldiers few people on God’s green earth know the meaning of sacrifice as well as Olympic athletes. From a very young age they sacrifice a normal life in their efforts to attain the abilities to stand tall at the podium of the world’s largest athletic stage wearing the gold. They give up a social life to cram in endless hours of training, they give up junk food to maintain peak physical condition inside, they push their psyche to the full limit of endurance to be able to handle the daily pressures which come from the expectations of a ravenous nation. But it’s all for naught, as only one can be crowned champion. The rest must satisfy themselves to returning home as losers – to join once again the even bigger losers that couldn’t even qualify – to re-evaluate the countless years and other opportunities squandered chasing a hopeless dream.”

Now they’re ready to be INSPIRED!! I’ve got them by the proverbial short and curlys! That audience is all mine to mold into fully-motivated do-ers!

Some of the top clients of motivational speakers are corporations. They are always looking for outsiders to help fire up their labor force, to light a fire under them and get that ship moving at a pace ready to take the company to the next level of success. Therefore, I’ve prepared a business-related lead in as well…

“I’d like to thank the board for inviting me to speak to you, the underpaid, overworked and under-appreciated hourly employees. Though you shorten your life by years for every hour of menial work here for your mere pittance of a paycheck with little support in order to increase the profit for you’re already-wealthy investors, know this: it will not last forever. Some day, automation or outsourcing will lead to your termination and desperate need to accept an even lower-paying job. Then you can watch your now former-employer reach new heights of absurd wealth. But rejoice that the executives will one day see their time come when the Securities and Exchange Commission comes indicting them on charges of fraud – or perhaps you can participate in the violent mob which riots against the corporate machine in the growing anti-business culture and, once and for all, secure your three square meals a day in the penitentiary.”

Wow, that’s so good I don’t think I need to continue; those workers will be ready to take up their arms and forever change that company!!!

Of course, I’ll have to sell myself in order to secure clients for my services. Showing them my miniscule sticker on my name badge will not impress anyone – I need empirical data and/or testimonials to support my budding business. I’ll have to tell them how my motivational skills have inspired so many of my employees to pursue their goals by leaving their jobs – often times with little to no advance notice! I’ll have to share with them the record-setting turnover rate my department has (in both the store and the company as a whole) due to my motivating my employees so much over and over again! I’ll have to have my current employees share their stories of how they want to get out of my department – a clear sign of my motivational ability to inspire them to go above and beyond their current positions! I’ll have to share the frequent occurrences of employees begin so inspired by my talks that, in their eagerness to go out and live their dreams, they walk away before I’m even done talking!

Yes, I am an inspiration to all! Let me inspire you, too!


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