Epitome of Random – Vol 7

-My five-year-old was spelling words for me under my wife’s cues. My wife asked, “How do you spell dog, sweetie?” She replied, “D-O-G, dog.” I so badly wanted to retort, “How does a dyslexic spell God, honey?”

-I think all skeletons are gay…we keep finding them in closets.

-How to increase productivity at work, lesson 1: Hand depends to all employees to eliminate unnecessary bathroom breaks. (Also called waste time, hee-hee.)

-How to increase productivity at work, lesson 2: Brew staff coffee using caffeinated water and watch them buggers go…by multiple meanings of the word go. (Here’s where the benefits of lesson 1 come into effect.)

-How to increase productivity at work, lesson 3 (specific to working in a retail bakery/food-service establishment): Hold onto buckets once emptied in case you fail to purchase enough inventory from lesson 1.

-When at work last week our deli manager called to me, “Jason, this case is on fire!” Sure enough, there were flames shooting out of the case, right where the light fixture was. So, I grabbed an extinguisher and put it out. I haven’t seen that much fire-marshal action since my wedding.

-After putting out the above fire our meat manager said, “You should’ve let it burn, maybe then we’d get that remodel.”

-My fifteen-year-old carried the baby into the kitchen while I was cooking.  She said, “She wants to see Daddy.” The baby smiled at me, so I said, “I want to see my baby, too!” To which the baby replied, “I WANT MY MOMMY!” Oh, to be loved so.

-My fifteen-year-old is a big fan of the band R5, featuring her crush, Ross Lynch. The drummer goes by his last name, Ratliff. When showing picture/word cards to the baby we came to the card with the drum. I asked her what that was and she said, “Ratliff plays the drums.” I may have to devote an entire post to the lessons she’s learned from her three big sisters.

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