Okay, That’s a New One

When your toddler has a cold you spend a lot of time wiping his/her nose. That’s just a fact of parenthood. Having four kids, with only one still in the toddler stage, we’ve been through this before. It’s always the same: kid sneezes, snot shoots out the nostrils, kid holds up hands and makes weird “Uhhh,” noise, Mommy or Daddy cleans up. After the first few times Mommy and Daddy begin to show the little boogers (pun intended) how to wipe their own nose. Then, they can do so efficiently. Hopefully. Sometimes. Well, at least on their own.

How’s that working out in the jason’s household?

My fifteen-year-old has never liked getting dirty. (Exception: the condition of clutter in her room.) She’ll grab a tissue and fold it over multiple times for added protection. Should any moisture escape the tissue and make contact with her hands the reaction could be catastrophic. Not the most cost-effective use of tissues.

My eleven-year-old, on the other hand, has learned to utilize the four corners of the tissue. Literally. She’ll twist each corner into a cone to plug her nose and absorb the snot. The middle will remain unadulterated. Not the most cost-effective use of tissues.

My six-year-old likes to grab anywhere from 3-6 tissues, crumple them into a ball and dab her nose. Not the most cost-effective use of tissues.

Let me take a brief break to make an investment suggestion: although we buy store brand tissues most of the time we will convert to Puffs Soft and Strong during colds and the increased nose-wiping which comes with them. As colds inevitably occur, invest in Puffs – we’re keeping their profits up.

Now, our two-year-old toddler has something entirely new in store. You see, unlike her eldest sister, she has no problem getting dirty. So, unlike all her older sisters, she doesn’t wait to get wiped. No, the boogers fly out and she’ll just take her hand and, with a quick right-left motion, try to rid herself of the escaping snot. This leaves her with a snot mustache. And not a little toothbrush-sized mustache like Hitler, we’re talking anywhere from Salvador Dali to Grover Cleveland. So, Mommy and Daddy are spending extra time in clean-up, because that little hand needs to get wiped, too. As do anything she touches after wiping herself. (“Uh, hello, public library. Yeah, I think we’d like to buy the seven Henry and Mudge books we have checked out. You don’t want them back. Trust me.”) And, let me tell you, she’s like an Old West gunslinger, much quicker on the draw with her wiping hand than we are with the Puffs. That calls for lots of cleaning.

Fortunately the sneezing and dripping have subsided. All that’s left is the plate-mail like crust of dried snot on her face. Wow, what a sight to behold. Even with that evidence of her disgusting methodology she’s still my little cutie. So, of course, I had to give her a little kiss good night. Fortunately she was asleep at the time, because had she seen Daddy spitting after kissing her it would only cause self-esteem issues later in life.

But, looking on the bright side, this is a far more cost-effective use of tissues.


1 Comment

  1. You really should put this writing in a folder marked ‘things to give my girls when they have their own children’…it is a comical reminder of something we’ve all been through. Your oldest daughter will indeed get her hands dirty if she decides to have children!


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