Baby It’s Cold Outside

So a large swath of the country is experiencing some pretty nasty cold weather. Even parts of Florida are getting hit with sub-freezing temperatures. Where I live it is balls cold. Even though there are plenty of places colder (and with significantly more snow), when words like hypothermia and frostbite hit the local headlines it’s just too darn cold to be outdoors.

This can be a difficult concept to convey to a six-year-old. When the 8 inches of snow hit on Monday she managed to enjoy sledding with her big sisters on Tuesday and Wednesday. Why not today? Well, baby it’s cold outside. She’s not thinking like that – she sees snow, she wants to go play in it. So, when I came home from work and the grocery store our conversation was not unlike the first between Zazu and Timon:

“Daddy, I wanna come out! I wanna come out!”

“I wanna come in! I wanna come in!”

Needless to say, she just has to learn to live with disappointment. The cold may do wonders for my sperm count – but if the producers get frozen off then that kind of defeats the purpose. Because…

When I walk into my freezer at work and close the door to get warm, it’s too darn cold!

When firefighters rush into a blazing building WITHOUT hoses and extinguishers, it’s too darn cold!

When your health-nut friend takes up smoking to stay warm on his walk to the car, it’s too darn cold!

When the neighborhood strays stick to the fire hydrant, it’s too darn cold!

When Santa guts Rudolph like a Tawn-tawn to save his elves, it’s too darn cold!

When roadkill shatters like glass, it’s too darn cold!

And when Canadians say “SCREW THIS!” it’s too darn cold!

Stay warm everyone, and don’t eat the yellow snow.

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