Oh, To Be A Superhero

If I were a superhero…

How many young boys and girls dreamed about that possibility once or twice? I’m sure that number is in the vast majority of youngsters – and perhaps older people as well. After all, superhero movies are some of the biggest blockbusters hitting theaters these days. I am no exception to this fantasy. And, lately, I got to thinking…if I were a superhero, what super power would I want? Let’s examine some options, shall we.

X-Ray Vision: Okay, what teenage boy hasn’t desired this one? Once you discover girls that becomes THE super power of choice. No more getting caught checking out the babes in high school, just pretend to read a book, look right through it and, viola! Heck, just wait until they’re behind walls, preferably in the locker room, and let the gawking begin. If X-ray vision were real, it would be a blow to the porn industry. Pun intended.

Heat Vision: I’d hazard to say that lots of boys go through a pyro phase at one time. (Heh-heh, fire’s cool. Heh-heh.) I remember experimenting with magnifying glasses during the summer. Heck, it’s not just a young thing, either. I believe it was a grad student who designed the Solar Death Ray – an array of 112 mirrors focused on a single area. He’d load the target zone with any number of objects – a LEGO pirate ship, a honey bear, a computer’s sound card, a shoe – and let them burn! His commentary was brilliant as well. It certainly rekindled my pyro phase. Pun intended.

Flight: Yeah, it’d be very cool to be able to fly on one’s own power. But there are lots of pitfalls. Hawks, as well as other birds, can be very protective of their territory and I don’t think the human body is equipped for mid-air combat. If you got soaring too fast bugs would get in your teeth and/or eyes. At a distance a hunter may mistake you for dinner. Getting sucked into a jet engine doesn’t sound very appealing, either. Heck, with so many people flying their own, personal drones these days you could suffer serious injury if you fly without a cup. Nah, flying isn’t for me.

Super Speed: Usain Bolt almost already has it – but this one certainly tickled my fancy. I used to play basketball and scored on plenty of fast breaks. Still, imagine how many more points I could’ve scored with this power. Oh, another steal and lay-up. I would’ve been unstoppable! However, in all the comics I read super speed didn’t guarantee super coordination. One stumble and you’d skid across the pavement for half a mile. I’m sorry, rug burn is bad enough. I don’t need that kind of scraping on my body. That, and my wife would be disappointed. (Think about it. Think about it.)

Super Strength: Undeniably cool! The NFL is the premier sports league in the world. It has the largest per game following of any sport, even soccer (the original football). Imagine how easy it would be to blitz the quarterback with this, and the money you could make doing it. Heck, I’d take this one just for the ease of opening jars on a regular basis! But, once again, there can be drawbacks. Look at Mr. Incredible’s damaging of his car and dining room table in such a short span of time. Putting up pictures on the wall could be disastrous for home owners with super strength. Plus, with my temper this one could get ugly. So, I’d have to reject super strength, too.

Mind Reading: Okay, I think I’ve found it. After seventeen years of marriage I can honestly say that I still have no idea what women are thinking. As a teenager it would have been great to read the female mind. Granted, it’s so complex I still may not have understood it completely, but it would’ve been an advantage. I’ve heard people say chicks used to dig me in high school. Um, what? Maybe that mind reading would have come in handy, because I was clueless to that. And now that I have one teenage daughter, a soon-to-be teenage daughter and two daughters who will eventually be teenagers, I NEED this super power! Especially when they start dating – both for them and the boys they bring home!

So, which super power would you like to have? I usually don’t care if I ever get comments, but it would be neat to see what other people think.

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