-Honesty is the best policy; but in Washington it’s neither our Domestic nor Foreign Policy.
-Overheard at work, from a female co-worker, “They’re not plastic, they’re beautiful!”
-I came into some money once. I was rolling around naked in it.
-My boss: “Do you have any smocks in your department? The uniform guy is here.”
Me: “What, is he perfectly proportioned?”
-We have a fairly large teddy bear named Wager (pronounced like Roger but with a “W” sound to start). The 2-year-old was hugging him and swinging him around. The 6-year-old was getting nervous about this. “Be careful with Wager, he has a rip in his vagina!” Either she doesn’t know her male/female anatomy too well, teddy bear anatomy is different from human anatomy, or Wager is a hermaphrodite! Not sure which.
-This week’s investment advice: buy stocks on tissue makers; the teen and the tween are very upset about Zayn Malik leaving One Direction. As Daddy, I’m upset for them; but in reality I couldn’t care less.