– The Jason: Our kids need to learn manners. The Wife: Says the man who just farted at the dinner table.
– Our two youngest received similar gifts from their grandparents on our recent visit. They are a penguin and puppy which have a flashlight sewn in so the little tykes can see in the dark. The lights are located on the chest of the toy. My first thought was, “Oooh! Iron Man penguin!”
– Crocodiles DO eat turtles!
– Why I won’t be winning Father of the Year: My toddler took her sleeper off and paraded around in her onsie and diaper the other night. Instead of getting her dressed again, I whipped out a five dollar bill.
– My wife and a neighbor were having a religious debate outside. I couldn’t decipher the words, but I heard the wife’s voice from twenty feet away and through the front door. Later she gave her usual reply: “I get loud when I get passionate.” Hmmm, then how come you haven’t woken up the kids once in fifteen years?
– Taylor Swift’s Shake It Off would have totally different meaning if she were a guy.
– If you are standing at the Four Corners and smoke a joint, but the hand your holding it in never leaves Colorado, can Arizona, New Mexico or Utah do anything about it?
– So, Hermione took polyjuice potion and changed into Harry Potter. Yet, in the end, she still chose Ron. Doesn’t bolster Harry’s case for masculinity.
– I entered a No-Talent Contest and won!