– “I wish we had money. Money can buy things.” (Very profound, sweetie, but don’t poop in your hand.)
– When I get writer’s block, I become discomblogulated!
– I have a B.A. in English. One would think that I’m well-read on the classics of literature. But I learned recently, thanks to my two-year-old, that I hadn’t read The Cat in the Hat. What the heck is wrong with me?
– Be sure not to transfer your own feelings onto the toys you’re playing with with your 2-year-old. Because, “Hi, I’m Prince Philip and I have to go pee,” isn’t high quality bonding time with the little ones.
– The Jason: “That’s how it’s been for the past fifteen years; Mommy and Daddy clean it up and you guys mess it up.” 11-year-old: “I don’t make messes!” 2-year-old: “I do!” (She’s been taking the honesty is the best policy thing seriously.)
– It’s great to know our kids care so much about one another. The other night our 6-year-old was spinning around on a spinning chair and tipped it over when she pushed off of the desk to increase her speed. As her mother was making sure she was okay and we were getting her ice the 2-year-old ran over and with great concern asked, “What happened to the spinning chair?”
– We have four daughters. My wife and I have never found out the sex of our baby, preferring to take the old-school route and find out when the kid pops out. She has experienced significant nausea and vomiting throughout all of her pregnancies. So, when she was throwing up the other day, I heard our 6-year-old shout, “We’re having another girl!”
– If I brewed my own beer I’d like to print something on the inside label of the bottle which can only be read when empty. It would say, “If you can read this clearly, you’re an alcoholic!”