Magnificent Seven: Game of Thrones edition

I’m a big fan of George R.R. Martin’s Song of Ice and Fire – the source material for HBO’s Game of Thrones series. Of course you already knew that as a GoT fan. And if you’re not a GoT fan, you didn’t even click in to read this post. So why the heck am I writing this???

Anywho, I’ve also enjoyed much of the HBO series apart from the over-the-top sex scenes. It has been an amazing show to watch over the years and I decided to dedicate this entry to the show, especially considering I haven’t posted a Magnificent Seven list on any blogs for quite some time. Please keep in mind I’ve only seen the first four seasons in their entirety, but have largely kept up with the series as a whole during seasons five and six thanks to YouTube.

But before we get to the actual list of seven questions that must be answered in the remaining two seasons, let’s check out the honorable mentions (which have a couples theme): Will Tormund and Brienne get together? He’s clearly interested even though she is obviously less so. However, the possible end of the world is approaching from the north, such a situation may foster a relationship. How about Jamie and Brienne? Yes, this seems more likely. Sure, the physical attraction may not be there but there is definitely something brewing that is much deeper and more meaningful than a physical relationship between these two warriors. Will Missandea and Grey Worm get together? How would that work, mechanically speaking? I’d hate to think of the special effects necessary to portray that scene! And who shall be the Queen in the North? Lady Mormont? I can’t think of a fiercer queen for Jon Snow other than a wildling, and with Ygritte dead Jon has no one right now.

Okay, enough of that…on to the list:

7.) Will Gendry make a return?

Okay, I’m focusing a bit more on the books here, but the show certainly hinted at the developing relationship between Robert Baratheon’s bastard and Arya during their time with the Brotherhood. Book-wise, Brienne came across Gendry with the Brotherhood and recognized him as the son of the former king. You have to figure someone else in the Brotherhood must see it as some of them came with Lord Beric from the court at King’s Landing. I’m hoping for Gendry to return and perhaps show he’s inherited some of Robert’s prowess on the field.

6.) Will Jamie turn from Kingslayer to Queenslayer?

This one seems like a bit of a stretch. Then again, Jamie killed the Mad King to prevent the burning of the city. Cersei has shown she’s more than capable of making the decision to order mass destruction for her own ends. Given that Jamie’s character arc in both the show and books has been what I consider the most complex, the internal conflict will be great drama on a show known for precisely that.

5.) Will Clegane-bowl occur?

This is a fan favorite. The old theory was that Gregor would serve as Cersei’s champion while The Hound would serve as the Faith’s champion. Now that Cersei has dispatched the High Sparrow that won’t be the way this dysfunctional family affair plays out. But I think the Clegane brothers will absolutely cross paths, especially since Sandor was last seen with the Brotherhood, whose leader on the show was sent specifically to apprehend The Mountain.

4.) Will Sam become a wizard?

Sam’s ultimate wish is to become a wizard, he said so himself. Although most maesters from the Citadel don’t believe in the idea of magic, some clearly do, such as Qyburn. Will he find what he needs in that vast repository of knowledge? As we know from Maester Luwin it is possible to study magic at the Citadel. Just because countless other maesters couldn’t make it work for them doesn’t mean Sam cannot.

3.) Will Arya and Nymeria be reunited?

In the books, Catelyn Stark’s reanimated corpse is know as Lady Stoneheart and leads the Brotherhood in a vendetta against all who wronged her and her family, picking them off one at a time. Arya is clearly taking over this role in the HBO show. She’s proven capable of assassination on her own, but with a direwolf at her side she’d be an even more formidable opponent. Don’t forget, she was last seen in the Riverlands, precisely where she had to release Nymeria in season one. It would make for a fantastic reunion.

2.) Will the Wall collapse?

The whole series, book or show, began with the return of the White Walkers/the Others. This is truly the primary conflict of the story. Regardless of all the political intrigue throughout the show, which has been spectacular, it will all come down to the final battle between the people of Westeros and the undead legions of the White Walkers. As of now, only the wall stands in the way. But for how much longer?

And, that brings us to the number one question which MUST be answered before the show is done…

What did happen when Tyrion brought the jackass and the honeycomb into a brothel?

My Case For Poet Laureate

An Ode to the Internet

I ignore my job and kids
I even ignore my wife
I have let the internet
take over my life

I spend hours every day
checking out new sites
And I do it all because
my real life mega bites!

*******

An Ode to a Dead Cat

I used to have a kitty cat
he was my best friend
And I have been so sad
since he met his end.

I’ll never get another
computer in my house.
You see, my kitty choked to death
when he tried to eat my mouse.

********

An Ode to Hogwarts

The Hufflepuffs work real hard
the Ravenclaws are smart
And those bold, brave Gryffindors
are very stout of heart.

The Slytherins are power-hunger
and can be awfully rude.
Who gives a crap, I just want to see
Hermione in the nude!

********

An Ode to Westeros

Khaleesi, Bran and Rickon
Tyrion, John Snow
I wish that George would write the books
before they’re done the show.

But I don’t think that’ll happen
that is what I dread.
But still I think it’s safe to bet
that they all wind up dead!

Epitome of Random – Vol 4

-As a manager it is my duty to point out the blatantly obvious. However, the manufacturer of some of our bread out did even me. At the top of the nutritional information section it reads, “Serving size: 1/6 of a loaf; Servings per container: about 6” Well, thanks for helping me figure that one out without the use of my abacus – it’s just so hard to lug that thing around to the store to attempt such advanced mathematical functions.

-We also sell some product in our pet section called Dogswell. What the heck is that, viagra for canines?

-There’s Ebola running rampant in western Africa, jihadists causing chaos in Iraq and Syria, poverty and disease and hunger throughout many parts of the world, but that’s okay. BECAUSE WE SELL PUMPKIN BLING! That’s right, you can decorate your jack-o-lantern with rhinestone stickers this Halloween. Oh, yeah, where would civilization be without pumpkin bling?

-I’ve mentioned I’m a Game of Thrones fan. So are my employee Lauren and her boyfriend Jacob. They were planning to both dress in GoT costumes for Halloween, but the Khaleesi dress was too long for her, not to mention 70 bucks. So, they decided to do the skeleton thing. Jacob’s skeleton comes with an internal air pump to inflate the attached erection. It’s the jump-my-bones skeleton. Given the amount of sex and death in the series, I guess, in a round-about sort of way, he did get a GoT costume. Actually, that wasn’t his first choice in costume. Jacob wanted a traditional skeleton outfit, but they made a boner at the warehouse and shipped him this instead.

-I discourage the use of recreational drugs. They’re bad news. But if you feel the need to do something totally trippy, try taking both Exlax and Immodium – man, that’ll mess you up!

-And lastly, I don’t understand the big deal about Michael Sam. How is his coming out as the first openly gay football player so courageous? So many people in every walk of life are gay these days, it’s just not a big deal – even in sports. You want to see courage in athletics? I’m waiting for the first openly straight male figure skater.