Sister Act 2 – Minus the Whoopi

I find the similarities between my four daughters fascinating. A recent trip really showcased such similarities between the odd daughters and the even daughters (by birth order, that is…because all four are odd in their own, little way). But first, some history.

A long time ago, back when we only had two kids, our eldest was enrolled in school (this before the adventure of homeschooling). Her class held a field trip to the Philadelphia Zoo. Mom, daughter number two and I followed along thinking it would be a great trip for all of us. We all had a good time until the end. You see, at the time the Philly zoo had a small petting zoo attached, which we went in. Here’s where a very big difference between the girls manifested itself with reckless abandon.

As soon as we entered the gate we came upon some chickens. At this time my oldest decided to climb up my back like a contestant from the old American Gladiators show competing at the wall. At first thought I assumed my child was a physics genius and was merely conducting a scientific experiment on the moment capacity of daddy’s spine, which I’m happy to report was greater than her weight at the time. I quickly came to the realization that this was not the case when she reached the top of my head and tried to continue to climb…surely a first-grade physics prodigy would understand that there was no way to overcome gravity and extend her climb beyond the highest point of contact. Her ascent was simply motivated by fear of being in the pen with live animals…the shrieking of “CHICKENS! CHICKENS! CHICKENS!” should have alerted me to the fact immediately, but as I was carrying her little sister in my arms at the time and didn’t want to drop her my focus was elsewhere. Although her older sister was chicken of the chickens, kid number two was enthralled and eager to play with them and the goats. Instead of shrieking like her sister, she simply proclaimed calmly, “I want to take that chicken home.” It was so cute at the time, but later when she began talking about being a chef perhaps it was a more utilitarian desire to save the money we had been spending on Banquet dinners.

That event stayed with me for quite some time, as almost being paralyzed by your child will do. Over a year later I went to visit my friend Brandon in prison. When you visit someone in jail you will be searched for drugs in one form or another. Years prior the guards used a modified vacuum cleaner with a filter to detect the presence of drugs, but on this visit they had switched to drug-sniffing dogs. In this case a black lab. While I sat and the guard had the dog sniff I couldn’t help but grin thinking of my girls and what their reactions would have been had they come along. My eldest would once again try to send me to a chiropractor while the younger would ask the guards if she could take the dog home.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago when my wife and I took the family (with four daughters and one son) to a nearby community park at the lake. The park has a beach area and roped off swimming area in the lake. It is a beautiful area surrounded by trees. Let’s see, a wooded area and a lake make a great habitat for ducks. Sure enough two mallards, one male one female, swam in the lake with the people, including my wife, son and three younger daughters (the eldest and I just sat on the beach area, not being swim fans). The roped off area of the lake and the sand of the beach area form a football shaped area roughly the size of a football field. My wife pointed out the ducks to the kids. It came as no surprise that daughter number two tried swimming up to the ducks, closely followed by daughter number four (the two even kids). Daughter number three, much like number one in the petting zoo, was much more apprehensive, keeping all swimming sisters, her mother and baby brother between herself and them ferocious water fowl! Hmmm…I don’t remember her ever listening to Emilio Estevez’s warning about ducks.

However, I was further reminded of the similarities between the odd-birth-order and even-birth-order daughters when the ducks came to the beach to complete the land portion of their lap around the park. Daughters two and four came out of the water and followed the ducks for a closer look. Daughter number three stayed in the water, still keeping mommy and baby brother between herself and the ducks. Funniest of all was hearing my eldest mutter, “uh-oh,” as the ducks started getting closer to our seating area. Not only that, but she got out of her chair and walked to the water line to increase her distance from the ducks.

Yup, two pairs of sisters, odd-numbered and even-numbered, acting in a similar way. Like I said, it’s a sister act, part two, minus the Whoopi. The whoopie was behind the scenes…that’s why we have five kids.

A Slice of America

We’re approaching the two-year anniversary of a new Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market opening just down the street from my house. The shopping center prior was completely run down: a shuttered pharmacy here, a closed laundromat there, more empty buildings than I care to remember and the “corporate headquarters” of a company whose potential business partners probably walked away if they judged by the outward appearance of the place. The whole area was unattractive and pretty much unproductive. It needed a makeover, and the presence of the market had the potential to provide the boost.

If you’re unfamiliar with a Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market, it’s just the juggernaut’s version of a supermarket. It’s been convenient to have one so close, walking distance in fact. And a friend and I have been curious to see what else opens at the center. Even as the supermarket was being build we’d check the site plans and debate over what businesses the other proposed buildings would house. Well, there are more plots available, but two other new businesses have opened thus far…

A three-story storage unit and a car wash.

Yup, exciting – a little slice of America in our own back yard.

America’s love affair with the automobile has been long known. Ours is a car-centered culture. The citizens of the good old USA use their four-wheel friends for more out-of-house trips than any other industrialized nation; over eighty percent if memory serves from my readings. (I think powerhouse Germany ranked second with just at sixty.) Some European countries actually utilize the car less than other forms of transportation – I think the Dutch go by bike more than car, once again if memory serves. So, a car wash may not be such a big shocker.

But a three-story storage facility? Our countryside is littered with the darn things. Sure, the wife and I used one for a few months between living arrangements, but there are thousands of them out there. Why? Because another thing America is famous for is the accumulation of stuff! George Carlin had a great routine about that, saying a house is just a “big pile of stuff with a roof on top.”

That’s true, but why do we need extra space for our stuff? Depending on which sources you trust, the average house size has almost doubled over the past fifty years. You don’t have enough space for all your stuff in a house twice as big as your parents or grandparents? Not only that, but families are about twenty-five percent smaller so you should have even more room for stuff without kids.

It would make a lot more sense for the need to store more stuff if families were having more kids. After all, there’s more space in which to make kids in these bigger and bigger houses…not to mention the cars (come on, we all know what happens at make out point).

Of course, that’s probably what the car washes are for.

I’m hoping for a restaurant at my new shopping center, even if it’s just a simple fast-food joint. Maybe a bank, a gym, a mom and pop bookstore, or something other than just that little slice of America of a car wash, a storage place and the ever-present Wal-Mart name!